It wasn't hard at all, for me, to find an interpersonal conflict to write about. There has been an incident that has been weighing heavily on my mind recently and I think that it would be a great opportunity to gather some suggestions as to how one should go about resolving such a conflict. I think that this is a situation in which many will sooner or later find themselves in, although it might not be in such a setting or to such exaggerated proportions. So, it will be very useful for everyone to pull a couple of suggestions together.
I have a friend who is the President of some CCA in a particular university in Singapore. One night, I received an sms from her telling me that she has been crying every night and she was afraid that she might fall into depression if this kept up. So I called her to try to console her. When I got her on her phone, she was crying hysterically and was hiccupping in between words. This was what she told me, in brief:
Three nights ago, she was in her CCA studio when she saw a group of people in a heated discussion. She went over to try to mediate. They told her that the event her CCA was supposed to be rolling out the very next day was still not completed. This event was not headed by her, but by her Vice-President, who has never taken a liking to her. However, as they were unable to contact the Vice President at that time, my friend decided to step in and lend them a helping hand.
When they were finally able to contact the Vice President, the Vice President became monosyllabic and cold when she learnt that my friend stepped in to help. My friend mentioned that she wanted to explain things to the Vice President but was never given the opportunity to because the Vice President kept ignoring her.
They still have a couple of months in office before handing over to the new committee and my friend says that she doesn’t want to leave things in such a bad state. She says that their relationship now is worse than before (and it was never good to begin with).
How should my friend go about repairing this broken relationship so that their committee can work well before the hand-over?
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Dear Pei En,
ReplyDeletesince your friend, the President (P), hopes that their committee can work well before the hand-over, I feel that she should approach the Vice-President (VP) with that purpose in mind. She should suggest that they set aside their personal differences, and attempt to work with one another for the betterment of their committee and CCA. As they are at helm of their CCA, they should be more responsible and mature.
If the VP still continues to ignore your friend, your friend could probably ask for another friend's help, one who knows both of them. That friend could help to mediate between them. Or your friend could write an email or a letter, expressing her views and concerns.
Hope this helps!
Hi Pei En,
ReplyDeleteSince your friend is the President of the CCA, I think she should make the first step to have a talk with the Vice President, they should try to put the personal problems aside and focus on the activities.
If a similar thing happens next time. The P may tell the VP that she is going to involve in the activity instead of doing first. Even in the situation that the VP couldn't be reached at the very moment, the P could send a message to the VP first. Then, at least, it shows that the P does respect the VP, and she really wants to tell the VP at the very beginning.
Dear Pei En
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear your friend's predicament. Indeed, I have heard of such situations and probably been in a few myself.
If I've learnt anything at all, I've learnt that keeping mum about it would only make things even more awkward and oneself more miserable. Rather than let things stew, I think the best and ONLY solution (as everyone before me has suggested) is to approach the VP with her mind set to clear things up. I would encourage her to be forthright and honest about her concerns. She should lay everything out on the table and hear what he has to say. You never know what hidden concerns he may actually have. Even if it does not work out at the end of the day, at least she can have a peace of mind knowing that she tried.
I hope it works out for your friend.
Regards
Gwen
Hi Pei En,
ReplyDeleteThe story sounds seriously. As far as I understand the story, I just think that your friend and the VP have actually had some conflicts before that. The conflict between them must have lasting pretty for long, so that your friend had burst into tears like that.
As everybody has mentioned, I also think that your friend should email the VP to tell him/her about the detailed things first. Wait for several days, if the VP would not reply. She ought to come to meet the VP and talk face-to-face.
I don't believe that the your friend and the VP can not resolve this conflict when they reach such high positions in the organization.
Don't you think the same way with me ?
Wish your friend could resolve the problem soon and be back to the happy world.
See you tomorrow, Pei En.
Thank you, Pei En, for this fairly clear description of the problem situation. Generally you provide a good picture of the scenario and the people involved. However, I'm not quite sure what eventually led to your friend's emotional breakdown. What brought the rush of tears?
ReplyDeleteOne sentence that obscures the situation for me is this one: "My friend mentioned that she wanted to explain things to the Vice President but was never given the opportunity to because the Vice President kept ignoring her." What does "things" refer to? The fact that she had to intercede to get the event finalized?
In any case, you have received good feedback from your classmates. I appreciate your work on this.