I would have to say that being passionate about the things I do is a characteristic that makes me unique. I think that this is a trait instilled in me by my father. When I was young, I would watch my father work tirelessly on his computer for hours. He would get frustrated and annoyed but yet he would still be there, in front of his computer, trying to get a formulae right or trying to debug a program.
During the university application process, I asked him for some advice on choosing my course of study in the University. He only had one piece of advice to give and that was to choose whatever I liked to do because if I liked it, it just becomes that much easier to do. And that even if I had to work extremely hard on it, it will seem that little bit more worth it because it is something I like.
I was in the choir in secondary school and I really enjoyed it. In fact, I was so passionate about choral and classical singing that I started attending voice lessons other than just choir practice. I am still taking voice lessons to continually improve my singing technique, vocal production as well as to expand my musical knowledge. After graduating from secondary school, I went on to join the choir in my Junior College and now, besides performing regularly at student recitals, I am also singing in an Alumni choir.
I am not only passionate about the things I like, I am also able to find joy in seemingly mundane tasks. I did some part-time work as a waitress once and although the tasks were simple, like taking food orders, clearing of tables, serving of food, I managed to make the most out of the whole experience and I found it quite enjoyable. I made it a personal challenge to provide excellent service to any customer and tried my utmost to fulfill any request they made.
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Hi Pei En,
ReplyDeleteYour personal statement was concise and very easy to read. I got to know you better. (: Also, the language was fluent and sentences were well-phrased. Perhaps the only part i felt that could have been better would be to improve on linking the paragraphs back to your main point. The ending felt abit abrupt. Other than that, your post was a pleasure to read. See you in class! (:
Regards,
Jasmine
Wow, I think this is a great personal statement. You first state your answer clearly, then your second paragraph indicates that you're passionate about the field of study you chose. You then continue to show that you're eager to learn more about whatever you're passionate about, then finish by saying you would even enjoy boring tasks. You managed to include a lot of personal experiences that make your personal statement seem more... uh, well, more personal.
ReplyDeleteIt's really a personal statement designed to woo your potential employers.
Thank you, Pei En, for a good statement. It is clear, concise and well-focused. You need to reconsider these aspects though:
ReplyDelete1) but yet > yet OR but ---not both
2) in the University. > in the university. (not a proper noun)
3) if I liked it, it just becomes that much easier to do > if I liked it, it would become that much easier to do
4) And that even if I had to work extremely hard on it, it will seem that little bit more worth it because it is something I like. > He also said that even if I had to work...., it would seem....because it would be something I liked.
5) ...attending voice lessons other than just choir practice. > ...attending voice lessons.
6) After graduating from secondary school, I went on to join the choir in my Junior College and now, besides performing regularly at student recitals, I am also singing in an Alumni choir. > capitalize only the proper nouns (names).
I enjoyed learning about you!
I would say I like the tone in your personal statement. It's a bit peaceful in your words. The language is quite fluent except for some minor mistakes Brad did mention.
ReplyDeleteAbout that last paragraph, it's concise enough to see it's also related to the main point. Changing a bit at the transition, the paragraph would be more cohesive to above idea. You can change "I am not only passionate about the things I like, I am also able to find joy in seemingly mundane tasks" to "Because I am passionate about the things I like, I am also able to find joy in seemingly mundane tasks." Personally, I think it's sound better.
I hope that helps. Thank you for letting me know about you more, Pei En.
Just know that you got fever. Wish you recover soon.
Jake